Such an Evil Little Man

I am not sure WHO this evil little man is trying to pass himself off as my sweet Zane.  WHAT a grouch. He's bored. He's tired, but not tired enough to go to bed. He hates what is on TV. He doesn't want to read. Doesn't want to draw. Doesn't want to go play in the basement or in the garage.

The real Zane needs to show up before this one gets sent outside into the woods to go and play with the Haints and Boogers!

No Pinching Allowed.

Zane and Micah-Vance were arguing tonight.  After going back and forth like loons, Micah-Vance decided to whip out the lobster pinching fingers of his and pinch Zane so hard that he lost his breath.

I *could* have just pinched him back.  If I did that, then I'd feel like crap and all guilty for pinching him.  Why should I feel bad for his naughtiness?  Instead  I made Micah-Vance write 25 times, "I will not pinch Zane."

Definitely much better than yelling at or pinching him back. By the time they're all grown up - I'll have enough pages for a novel!

It's F-R-I-D-A-Y

Today started out hot as hell - as usual.  Got the boys from the bus stop and took them to Trader Joes with me.  (warning! warning! "Have you lost your mind??" One of the people who lives in my head silently screamed at me!)

Have you FORGOTTEN how badly the boys embarrassed you last night at the school?  How that pinched-faced Stepford Pod looked at you when you admonished one of the Oompa Loompas to be quiet or else?   hmmm.  Now that you bring it up, one of the people who lives in my head I do remember that they did embarrass me! I'm sure I looked like a horrible stressed-out mom trying to get my kids under control who suddenly, without warning could no longer understand the fucking English language!

Zane and Micah were horrid last night.  I was so embarrassed a couple of times I wanted to slink out of the school but couldn't because I was sitting up front for both classes!  Once we got to Micah's class, I had about had it.  One little boy was farting in the back of the classroom which of course the kids back there just went crazy laughing over it.  Then when parents were trying to sign up to be classroom helpers Zane and Micah kept jarring the table bumping up against it.  This is where the pinch-faced Stepford Pod entered.  In addition to not speaking English anymore, both boys also went deaf so I had to grab Zane to try and get his attention and get right in his face in my scary, oh-shit-she's-serious voice and tell him to knock. it. off. or I was going to spank him in front of everyone.  Evidently that doesn't happen in Stepford Pod households because the woman looked at me down her nose and raised her eyebrow at me.  Well fuck you Stepford Pod Lady,  I can raise my eyebrow right back atchya and give you a look to make your hair go gray overnight!  I'm so sorry that my kids are not little robotic darlings like yours.  Tell me, what model do you have? 

So on the way to Trader Joe's I threatened the boys with some horrific punishment if they didn't behave in the store.  In public.  Then I gave them the scary look, watched them shiver and took them in the store.  Thankfully they took me seriously - in the store at least.  Now they're playing downstairs antagonizing each other and when they start screeching for me to come down there - all of the sudden I no longer understand English, am blind and deaf.

Macaroni Moves

Zaney informed me tonight that *he* knows macaroni moves.

What? Macaroni moves? What are macaroni moves??

To my horror - he started singing and doing the THE MACARENA! HAAAAA!!!

Zane's Dancing Butt Cheeks

While driving back from Target tonight this is the conversation that was going on in the back of the van:

Zoe: Zane! Do you like this song?!

Zane: Yes. Know how I know I like it?

Zoe: How?

Zane: Because it makes my butt cheeks dance!