The Arsenic Hour

Damn Razors!

2011-04-18T07:59:00.000-07:00

Is there a reason that razor blades have become so fracking expensive?

If you use the really cheap ones you're left with shreds of flesh on your legs. Buy the ones with refillable cartridges and it's $15 for 4 cartridges. Electric razors suck. Nair & other products like that stink and makes me want to barf in my mouth. Waxing- too expensive and hurts like hell.

Do razors now give you a pedicure AND massage your legs? Do they tone your legs while you're shaving? Is that why they're so ridiculously priced? $10 for 3 disposable razors. I think I'd rather just become a hairy-legged-man-hater than having to keep buying those damn razors.

Such an Evil Little Man

2011-04-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

I am not sure WHO this evil little man is trying to pass himself off as my sweet Zane. WHAT a grouch. He's bored. He's tired, but not tired enough to go to bed. He hates what is on TV. He doesn't want to read. Doesn't want to draw. Doesn't want to go play in the basement or in the garage.

The real Zane needs to show up before this one gets sent outside into the woods to go and play with the Haints and Boogers!

Has hell frozen over?

2011-03-27T19:02:00.000-07:00

Zoe has helped Micah wtih 3 pages of math homework he didn't want to do. He said 'thank you.'

WHO ARE THESE CHILDREN?!

Decisions

2011-03-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

I am trying to decide if my children are very clever and creative......or just simply demented.

Peep! Peep!

2011-03-25T06:28:00.000-07:00

Will be making bird nests with the little darlins from the 1st grade germ factory today!

I may go insane.

2011-03-23T16:58:00.000-07:00

I may go absolutely Baby-Jane insane if Slim Daddy doesn't adjust to Zoe and her tweenie hormones. Just warning everyone.

Who Are These Rotten Cheeldren?

2011-03-02T15:09:00.000-08:00

WHO are these rotten, disrespectful, leetle cheeldren who insist on calling me Mommy? They have sassy mouths that could use a good bar of Dove in them, they're ungrateful for what they have and think that they have it soooooo bad. Gimme, gimme, gimme but they never want to do anything around here for it.

Well! I'll show them! I am going to find out how they can take a tour of the North Fulton Community Charities so they can see how 'bad' the have it. Then maybe they'll appreciate what they have. If they don't - I will donate every single thing they have to NFCC including the Wii and their DSI's.

Left Coast, Left Handed

2011-02-13T08:09:00.003-08:00

Zane came up to me and told me....."Mommy!. I know why you're left handed! Because YOU were born in CALIFORNIA!"

Hmmm. Are mini-Stepford-Pod-Republican-children at work here?

Farts on a plane!

2011-02-11T16:37:00.001-08:00

Someone is farting on plane! Why do I always end up next to these people? I'm a plane farter magnet!

2011-02-11T16:21:00.001-08:00

45 minutes until l land back in GA.

I hope I can get up from seat. There is a verra, verra large SPonge Bob shaped woman who has been squashing me for the entire flight!

End of the World!

2010-12-26T06:33:00.000-08:00

Trapped! Trapped, you hear me?! It hasn't snowed in Atlanta on Christmas in over 100 years and now that it has - there is no way of escaping today with the hills+ice in our neighborhood and I am OUT. OF. COFFEE!!!

2010-12-19T17:37:00.001-08:00

We Must have left the real Zoe at Nana's house because I don't know WHO this little girl is in the back seat!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

2010-12-19T17:28:00.001-08:00

On the way back from celebrating Christmas with Nana with 3 cranky and tired Oompa Loompas. Glad I'm not the one driving!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

It's December?

2010-12-17T20:15:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you lovies - I don't know where the hell November went but it's now almost Christams!

Not only is it almost Christmas but those 3 leetle cheeldren of mine are now out of school until after the New Year! At least Slim Daddy is back home so once he gets home from work he can help with the madness that is sure to come.

I've been pretty bah-humbug this Christmas Season (YES! I said CHRISTMAS instead of Holiday Season!) So report me to the PC police. Finally got the house decorated and most of the xmas shopping done. Instead of fighting the craziness of going into stores I just decided to do most of my shopping online. YAY! I avoided the crazies!

Zoe won the School Spelling Bee, Zaney has become addicted to the Wii and needs weehab for it and Micah-Vance is collecting found objects to make a robot. Or a supercomputer, or perhaps a robot with a supercomputer brain. One never knows what he's going to be drawing plans up for!

December has been so busy I'm looking forward to the white noise quiet beginning of the New Year. That and sleeping in while the kidlets are out of school!

It's so mysterious!

2010-10-20T21:03:00.001-07:00

How I manage every night to sleep on the edge of the bed with one butt cheek hanging off and without falling is a mystery to me. All 3 kids + Cochino+Sherlock are in my bed tonight!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Zoe's New Painting

2010-09-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

Zoe had to enter the PTA 'Reflections' contest (it was made mandatory for 5th graders.) Theme was 'Together We Can Make a Difference' - this is what she came up with. Canvas is 16x20. NO I did not draw the faces! lol I've already been accused of it but she did it on her own.

Out of House and Home

2010-09-22T13:58:00.000-07:00

WHAT is up with the way these Oompa Loompas can eat? Without even gaining any weight? I LOOK at a carb and my arse grows at least 2 inches wider!!

I have been making tons of food today to hopefully get them through the weekend! I try to do it on the weekends but since they've been out of school this week the snacks have gone faster than usual. Maybe they have a tape worm or something. Yessssss, that *must* be it. They have tape worms!!

Oh Gawd . . .

2010-09-22T11:11:00.000-07:00

What a mess! Frecklestein found some mud in the back yard and decided to roll around in it. You can hardly see the white on him he's so dirty.

Looks like the kids will be giving him a bath and cleaning up his mess on the back deck. There isn't ANYTHING he won't eat. Chair pads, brooms, tennis balls, twigs, toilet paper, crayons, pens, pencils, Legos,...........

Is it really so bad?

2010-09-20T15:45:00.001-07:00

Is it really so bad that I find it highly amusing to terrorize Slim Daddy?

A Ghoulie Goil has to have *some* fun you know!
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Where is the admitting office?

2010-09-20T13:11:00.001-07:00

The Oompa Loompas are off this week for a 'fall break'. Just admit me to the asylum now.

Oh wait. I *already* live in the asylum!
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Tired of waiting.

2010-09-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

I have just given the kids 20 minutes to pick up what they don't want me to throw away. This includes their crapolah from their bedrooms, the living room and dining room.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

A Bit Crowded

2010-09-17T21:15:00.001-07:00

Since I am the Queen of the entire Empire (in my mind at least) it's only fitting that I have a queen size bed.

Right now all 3.5 kidlets are in my bed. I'm hoping that I have at least 1/2 inch to stretch out on when I go to bed!

Remember all the people who slept in the one bed in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

That should give you some sort of idea what it is like!

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The Ghosts Strike Again

2010-09-17T05:36:00.000-07:00

Verrrryy suspicious. It seems that the brand new bottle of laundry detergent has just POOF! Grown legs and taken off, nowhere to be found.

I asked the Oompa Loompas about it and they all had that look as if I was speaking a foreign language. I suppose the Ghosts from the Cemetery needed clean clothes and used it all up.

Guess I'll have to go and buy another bottle of detergent so that the missing one will show up!

If the kids won't go to sleep SOON . . . .

2010-09-16T18:00:00.000-07:00

I will have no choice but to release my flying monkeys to read the little children a bed-time story.

eeee heeee heeeee!!!

2010-09-15T15:39:00.001-07:00

Out to dinner with the Oompa Loompas. (oh gawd please don't let them embarrass me!!)

Zoe's Crazy Foot

2010-09-14T08:43:00.000-07:00

Zoe hurt her foot on 8/23. It was a severe sprain and bruise on her ankle bone. After x-rays and more x-rays the doctor couldn't figure out what was going on since it hasn't felt better, but gotten worse. She's been on crutches for almost 3 weeks now, not able to put any weight on her foot.

Yesterday we went to the orthopedic and he immediately knew what was wrong with her foot. It seems that when she injured it a 'syndrome' was triggered called RSD/CRPS. RSD is now referred to as 'Complex Regional Pain Syndrome.' It's brought on by fractures, sprains and tissue damage and basically the central nervous system is all discombobulated and her pain is extreme instead of getting better as time goes on.

Here's the short version of what it is:
http://www.childrenshospital.org/clinicalservices/Site2585/mainpageS2585P10.html

Here's the longer, more detailed version:
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/reflex_sympathetic_dystrophy/detail_reflex_sympathetic_dystrophy.htm

She's so stubborn - getting her to use that foot when it hurts is not going to be easy. I'd have better luck tattooing myself with my eyes closed. *sigh*

No Pinching Allowed.

2010-08-23T18:31:00.000-07:00

Zane and Micah-Vance were arguing tonight. After going back and forth like loons, Micah-Vance decided to whip out the lobster pinching fingers of his and pinch Zane so hard that he lost his breath.

I *could* have just pinched him back. If I did that, then I'd feel like crap and all guilty for pinching him. Why should I feel bad for his naughtiness? Instead I made Micah-Vance write 25 times, "I will not pinch Zane."

Definitely much better than yelling at or pinching him back. By the time they're all grown up - I'll have enough pages for a novel!

Diabolical Oompa Loompas

2010-08-16T16:06:00.000-07:00

The Oompa Loompas are not only trying to make me jump into the mouth of madness, but they are aging meeeeeee!!!!!! Soon I will look like Miz Baby Jane and they'll lock me in the basement feeding me only dry cereal with weevils in it and give me coffee with curdled cream to drink!

It's F-R-I-D-A-Y

2010-08-13T13:55:00.000-07:00

Today started out hot as hell - as usual. Got the boys from the bus stop and took them to Trader Joes with me. (warning! warning! "Have you lost your mind??" One of the people who lives in my head silently screamed at me!)

Have you FORGOTTEN how badly the boys embarrassed you last night at the school? How that pinched-faced Stepford Pod looked at you when you admonished one of the Oompa Loompas to be quiet or else? hmmm. Now that you bring it up, one of the people who lives in my head I do remember that they did embarrass me! I'm sure I looked like a horrible stressed-out mom trying to get my kids under control who suddenly, without warning could no longer understand the fucking English language!

Zane and Micah were horrid last night. I was so embarrassed a couple of times I wanted to slink out of the school but couldn't because I was sitting up front for both classes! Once we got to Micah's class, I had about had it. One little boy was farting in the back of the classroom which of course the kids back there just went crazy laughing over it. Then when parents were trying to sign up to be classroom helpers Zane and Micah kept jarring the table bumping up against it. This is where the pinch-faced Stepford Pod entered. In addition to not speaking English anymore, both boys also went deaf so I had to grab Zane to try and get his attention and get right in his face in my scary, oh-shit-she's-serious voice and tell him to knock. it. off. or I was going to spank him in front of everyone. Evidently that doesn't happen in Stepford Pod households because the woman looked at me down her nose and raised her eyebrow at me. Well fuck you Stepford Pod Lady, I can raise my eyebrow right back atchya and give you a look to make your hair go gray overnight! I'm so sorry that my kids are not little robotic darlings like yours. Tell me, what model do you have?

So on the way to Trader Joe's I threatened the boys with some horrific punishment if they didn't behave in the store. In public. Then I gave them the scary look, watched them shiver and took them in the store. Thankfully they took me seriously - in the store at least. Now they're playing downstairs antagonizing each other and when they start screeching for me to come down there - all of the sudden I no longer understand English, am blind and deaf.

Back to S-C-H-O-O-L ! ! !

2010-08-05T04:26:00.000-07:00

Excuse me while I laugh maniacally, clap my hands in glee and dance around the house like a madwoman. Today is back to school! Yay! The kids couldn't go out or run around like banshees because it's just been tooooooo hot and humid.

The Oompa Loompas were fighting and whining so much I truly thought I'd lose my mind. Now!! They're on the bus on their way to school! YAY!!! What am I going to do? It's all so mind-boggling I can't decide!

Work on some doll patterns? Find a new source for poly fiber stuffing? Sleep? Work for the Eeeehhhvahhhllll Queen? Plan out art projects for the leetle cheeldren at the kid's school? Go grocery shopping? Yes. I'm even willing to do the most hated kind of shopping of all - grocery shopping!

Should I knock on the neighbor's doors and then when they open up screech like a crazy person on crack looking for their next fix that school has started again, kiss them and then run off to the next house? (Of course while I'm yanking my hair out and tearing at my clothes!) The options are endless!!

Zoe's new 'do

2010-08-02T18:41:00.000-07:00

Just soooo schee-schee!

She loves her swingin new do!

Gateways

2010-07-29T21:07:00.001-07:00

I am convinced that underneath the stuff on the floor in the boys room is the entrance to another dimension. Underneath the stuff on the floor in Zoe's room: the entrance to the gates of hell. Just sayin.......
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Last Week of Summer!

2010-07-29T20:14:00.000-07:00

Well, the last week of summer for the Oompa Loompas that is! Much to the disappointment of the screaming Stepford Pod People who were distraught that they would have to change their vacation plans - this year school starts on August 5th. I'm not clutching at my hair or tearing my clothes off and running out of the house screeching like a banshee on crack into the night over it, but I do have to wonder, why? Why put the kid in school during the HOTTEST month of the year?

Personally - I think the Sept. - June school year is the best but here in the South they won't hear of anything so crazy as that. Seems that the Seniors would have to take their finals AFTER Christmas vacation. OK. SO!??

West Coast kids do just fine with the Sept. - June schedule. Must be all of that ocean air and free thinking. I shall have to ponder this thought at the pool, by myself when the leetle cheeldren are in school.......heeeeeeee!!!!

Go Fish

2010-07-27T12:42:00.000-07:00

Micah-Vance is begging me for fish with a fish tank now.

Excuse me while I throw myself on the floor in a fit of laughter............

Micah-Vance

2010-07-24T22:08:00.000-07:00

Of course, at 1am Micah-Vance is still awake. He watched SNL for the first time and is now addicted/obsessed with it, laughing like a loon. Since he was born oh I don't know.....at age 50 and is stuck in a kidlets body I guess I really shouldn't be surprised!

2010-07-23T19:41:00.001-07:00

Simply amazing at how quickly the Oompa Loompas will move and clean up their messes when I pull a Linda Blair and make my head spin around 3 times!

This should be interesting.......

2010-07-21T04:28:00.000-07:00

We won't have water from 8-5 today. I'm sure the Oompa Loompas will be parched and dragging themselves on the floor crying out for "water!" even though I have set some aside in large pots!

Message from the Tooth Fairy

2010-07-19T20:24:00.000-07:00

All 3 Oompa Loompas were in my bed, again last night. Zoe and Zane were both expecting visits from the Tooth Fairy but when they woke up - she hadn't left anything!

Amazingly the Tooth Fairy left $1 each for Zoe and Zane - under the pillows on their own beds!

Do you think that the kids got the message that perhaps they should sleep in their own beds?

Ahhh, that would be NO! Zoe is at Lily's but Micah and Zane are snoozing away in my bed. OY!

2010-07-19T18:20:00.001-07:00

Micah-Vance took the basement door off of its hinges. With the help of his 2 delinquent accomplices Zoe and Zane. WHAT POSESSES THEM TO DO STUFF LIKE THIS?!

Cochino!

2010-07-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

Even Cochino is being naughty today! Brat dog.

2010-07-19T11:56:00.001-07:00

Micah-Vance thinks he is Hugh Hefner and refuses to get out of his pajamas. It's almot 3:00 in the afternoon!

2010-07-19T08:47:00.001-07:00

Testing phone to Arsenic Hour blog!

Today......

2010-07-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

I think I'll terrorize the leetle cheeldren and make them pick up their messes scattered throughout Mockingbird Manor. If they don't - I will hmmm. Have to think up something horrific to scare them with!

"Snow Angels" at Mockingbird Manor

2010-02-12T15:39:00.000-08:00

Aren't they cute? I bet they're pinching each other in this pic!

Homework Hell

2010-02-03T10:34:00.000-08:00

Lately 2 out of 3 Oompa Loompas don't think that they need to do their homework when it is assigned. Their exuses?

"I forgot."
"I didn't hear my teacher say I had homework." (yet it's in the backpack so it MUST have been touched by a kidlet!)
"I was going to but then you made me clean the cat box and I forgot."
"It's too easy for me. I shouldn't have to do it."
"Well I have my homework sheet but didn't bring home the book I need to finish it."
"I brought it home! It somehow has disappeared from my back pack!"
"Jimmy Hoffa said he'd do it for me."

Yet even after they've told me they didn't do their homework they still expect to be able to go and play with their friends, play on the Wii and watch "their" programs.

Oooh no, no, no my misguided little Einsteins. Not in this house! When I told them the consequences of not being able to pollute their brains with technology I was given looks like ** I ** had just cooked their favorite pet and made them eat it.

So tonight when they get home there will be nothing but whining and carrying on because I won't let them do any fun stuff. They think they have to suffer when I'm the one that has to listen to it all.......

Fighting

2010-01-14T11:24:00.000-08:00

This morning I started to feel guilty about being so excited that kids were going to be in ASP every day after school. Then after kids went to get into van for school, I came downstairs a few minutes later and heard Micah screaming bloody murder.

Seems that he and Zoe were fighting to get into the front seat. In the rush to get to the front seat first, he knocked her against the side of the van so she reached out and pinched the first piece of flesh that she could reach. Zane was screeching at both of them, telling them they were acting like A-S-S-E-S. (Zane feels that if he SPELLS naughty words out it's not as bad as actually saying the naughty word.

Suddenly - I no longer felt guilty!

Macaroni Moves

2010-01-08T16:11:00.000-08:00

Zaney informed me tonight that *he* knows macaroni moves.

What? Macaroni moves? What are macaroni moves??

To my horror - he started singing and doing the THE MACARENA! HAAAAA!!!

Such sweet poetry

2010-01-05T04:58:00.001-08:00

Needless to say - Zoe was not amused that her brother wrote on her notebook.....

Zane's Dancing Butt Cheeks

2009-12-16T15:50:00.000-08:00

While driving back from Target tonight this is the conversation that was going on in the back of the van:

Zoe: Zane! Do you like this song?!

Zane: Yes. Know how I know I like it?

Zoe: How?

Zane: Because it makes my butt cheeks dance!

Shopping with Zoe and Lily

2009-12-16T03:24:00.000-08:00

Last night I took Zoe and her best friend Lily with me to Macys. Was I on crack when I gave in to their pleas to take them with me? Perhaps they slipped something into my water! Yes, that must be what had happened for me to say yes!

Zoe and Lily's "ensembles" are crazy enough as it is, but then Zoe forgot HER jacket so wore *my* leopard print one leaving me to freeze. They looked like 2 eccentric little old ladies with their purses and "ambiance." Both had opinions about EVERYTHING that came into their line of vision and both had great fun cackling about ugly shoes and horrendous perfumes that women felt they had to bathe in before coming out shopping. Gawd forbid that they noticed how much the shoes cost - because then they'd broadcast something along the lines of "$99?? $169?? For these UGLY shoes??" then laugh at how ridiculous it all was. Both also made it known that they didn't like having to taste someones perfume by coughing loudly and saying how gross it tasted, of course as the person walked by. (Can't say that I blame them for that though!)

Finally at the sacred MAC counter they were putting on lipstick which they thought looked fabulous. Thankfully the MAC girl was a good sport about it all....lol

Then I had to stop at Target with them - omg I had to drag them out of there and today I feel like I've been beat up! Even so - it was funny to watch them!

Krampus may have to visit!

2009-12-14T15:38:00.000-08:00

A naughty baby with Krampus.

Aiyee! I've just realized how long it's been since there has been a posting here. NOT for lack of having things to write about, that's for sure! I'll have to start posting here instead of just posting to Facebook about the 3 Little Curiosities and their very special ways of driving me into the mouth of madness. Which of course happens just about every single day..........

If they keep it up Krampus and his fistful of switches will be making a visit to them instead of Santa Claus!! heheheh!

Mail Love from Jeanne Rose

2009-10-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

I love these napkins that Jeanne Rose sent me!

Halloween Approaches!

2009-10-27T18:24:00.000-07:00

Slim Daddy and I are thinking about dressing up our 3 Little Curiosities as Stepford children for Halloween.

Wouldn't that just be a scream?! (and slightly creepy!)

I feel so old.

2009-10-01T16:51:00.000-07:00

Zoe signed up for a "Pony Book Club" and for signing up one of the tchotskis she got was a watch with horses on it.

She came into the kitchen and told me that the watch didn't work, because the company sent her a watch without any batteries.

I looked at it. There is nothing wrong with the watch - it's a wind-up watch!

This is almost, but not quite as bad as when she asked me "WHAT is a record? Music comes on CDs!"

Pure Evilness!

2009-09-09T05:08:00.000-07:00

I am *so* glad that the kid's school decided not to air the eeeeeehhhhvaaalllll, mind-altering speech that Obama had yesterday that was sure to emit mind-control beams through viewing devices! I was scared to death they might hear his sinister words. I mean really. Who in their extreme right mind would want their children to hear a positive message about staying in school? I'm sure there was a hidden message somewhere in the speech because that's what Betty Lou and my pastor told me. There aint nuthin wrong with kids not finishin school, getting knocked up not knowing who their baby's daddy is and smokin crack!

*snork*

My 3 Typhoid Marys

2009-08-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

ugh, the 3 Curiosities are now 3 little Typhoid Marys. I have way too much to do to be laid out sick!

The Power of Sweat

2009-08-24T19:38:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend Zoe and her friend Wendy "tattooed" their ankles and legs with magic markers ( and actually Zoe drew an angel on herself pretty good.) Slim Daddy told her that she needed to take a bath or shower, Zoe said "she didn't want to, she wanted to watch Glen Martin, DDS." Then SD said that she had to "take a shower and wash that stuff off!"

Zoe said, "Why? It's going to be hot tomorrow and the sweat will just wash it off for me!"

haaaaaaaaa!!! SD didn't find it nearly as amusing as I did.........

Slowly Recovering!

2009-08-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

I dooooo apologize for the lack in posting lately of the ongoings and naughty antics of the little specimens! School started last week, and I think I'm just now recovering first from the summer with the little darlins running me ragged and second from not having the "baby" Zane home with me anymore. boohooo!

OK, I think I'm really getting used to it now. (I think.) Well, perhaps just a little bit. Zane loves school, however he turns into a verra, verra ugly little man between 7pm and 8pm. We start at around 7 trying to get him to lay down and going to sleep - it's more like 8 before it actually happens. Zoe says that every day in 4th grade feels like "A WHOLE WEEK!" and Micah is happy as a clam in his 2nd grade class, especially since his best friend is also in his class.

I've felt a bit lost being home by myself - I haven't been by myself in almost 10 years! It really takes some getting used to.

I will leave you with this:

The other night, Micah called Zane a "jerk-ass." Zane called Micah an ass. Zoe told Micah that Zane wasn't a jerk-ass, that HE was the jerk-ass. Nice, hmmm? I went to get the soap and they all swore they wouldn't say ass or jerk-ass again. It's been 3 days and not one has uttered a naughty word. Maybe I just need to walk around with a bar of Dove hanging off of my neck?

To my surprise.......

2009-07-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

This is my prized coffin purse.

This is my coffin purse with the dog's ashes in it.

Seems that the Oompa Loompas decided that
"Buddy's" ashes should be in a coffin, without
telling me of course!

2009-07-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

all 3 specimens are screeching like wild monkeys in their zeal to fight and not behave. I'm just waiting for them to start picking bugs off of each other. If the kids don't quit fighting I'll lose what's left of today's brain cells. Not going to the gym until later but may have to move that up!

Today's game of pretend....

2009-06-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

The favorite game today is for Zane to play dead, while Zoe and Micah are "CSI" agents collecting evidence. I found it very amusing!

Let the Madness Begin.....

2009-06-09T17:52:00.001-07:00

I am sure that my 3 Little Curiosities have somehow cloned themselves. It seems that every time I turn around one of them is right there asking me to do something for them, though I suspect it's 2 or 3 of each. I would have better luck giving myself a root canal without novacaine than being able to keep them entertained and occupied at all times! At times I feel like a monkey with one baby monkey hanging off my neck, and the other two hanging onto my legs as I try to walk (run!) away from them.

The littlest curiosity, Zane has turned into the wild man of Borneo since losing his first tooth and turning 5. I'm afraid to cut his hair as that usually sparks a couple of days of naughtiness from him anyways. What is up with haircuts making kids act so naughty??

My mad scientist, curiosity #2, Micah has been furiously drawing and making plans in his "secret" book for his "secret laboratory." Oh, yes. He's also drawing up plans to make a bot. I have visions of a robotic "Talking Tina" chasing me throughout the house to lock me up in a "secret" soundproof room that only Micah has the key to. Which of course he'll lose and I'll be stuck forever in the secret room and no one will hear my screams!

Back to reality. Tonight Slim Daddy went to pick up curiosity #1, Zoe from being at a sleepover at her friend's house. Much to his horror - she and her friend thought it would be hysterical to shoot Cocoa Puffs out of their nostrils at him. I told him that he should be glad that the girls didn't fart on him instead since the girls have the uncanny ability to fart at will.

Amidst the whining, crying and telling me that I'm "not fair!!" I told them all tonight that I refuse to go anywhere tomorrow until all three clean up their wormhole bedrooms. Yeah. Like that will happen so my diabolical plan not to have to go anywhere will work!

2 Hours a Day

2009-06-02T20:00:00.001-07:00

I can drop off the little curiosities at the gym for 2 hours a day, 7 days a week. Which I did today and it was beyond fabulous, even though I probably over did it. To keep what's left of my sanity I'll be doing that every day. I'm hoping that by the time school starts again, I can quit lying about my weight on my drivers license!

Today's Adventure

2009-06-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

The little creatures have been fighting, kicking, pinching and calling each other naughty names since they woke up this morning. I have to go to Lowes, and take all 3 of them with me. I have already put my big ole Paula Deen wooden spoon AND a bar of soap in my purse in case they're needed!

Grandparents: Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak no Evil

2009-05-30T15:25:00.000-07:00

After the girl-curiosity just about drove me into the mouth of madness last night - this weekend I get a bit of a break from having to be the circus entertainer. Curiosity #1 is staying the night at her friend's house (where of course you know, she behaves and is very polite, unlike at home!) and it's just #s 2 & 3 here tonight.

Tomorrow, early afternoon all 3 are going for an overnight visit to their nana's house. Where they're "just angels" and neither grandparent can imagine the little darlings doing any of the naughty things I say they do here at home.

Snort. I think I'll bring some banannas for the grandparents....heh.

Taken yesterday on the cemetery outing

2009-05-29T07:45:00.001-07:00

Off to work they go!

2009-05-29T05:57:00.000-07:00

Today's fun for the little curiosities is to clean up the basement that they gleefully messed up over the last week. If asked to do something aside from playing or eating they suddenly develop strange ailments, like losing their hearing and the ability to understand English. However, if I say "are you hungry" their hearing comes back and they can understand what I am saying. Strange, don't you think?

Today's Adventures

2009-05-28T08:17:00.000-07:00

I'll be taking my 3 little curiosities to the old cemetery to take pictures today. If they behave and I don't end up leaving them there to find their own way home, then we'll go to the park where they can run around like crazy people who have been accidently released from the asylum.

Who Are They??

2009-05-27T13:55:00.000-07:00

I seem to have somehow attracted 3 mini-human specimens here at Mockingbird Manor. They insist on following me around shouting out "mommy" and demanding that I clothe, feed and entertain them at all times.

Has someone lost them?